I could start by saying, "yes I'm a failure", or "Kiss my bum", or "mind your own" but none of these will make me feel any different about the situation.
Yes, Violet is still in her crib.
Yes, we are HUGE softies and caved after she got out just two times (it was the saddest thing you've ever seen).
Yes, you might be rolling your eyes and thinking WOW two times? You are the worst mother ever.
Yes, you might be thinking she worked us over pretty good and will forever get her way because of this (which may be true, but not because of this).
But I know that I am doing the right thing for all of us right now.
I talked to Violet all day on Sunday about sleeping in her big girl crib and that she needed to stay in bed and go night night. Now, Violet is not an idiot, she's not slow, but she is only 22 months old. She doesn't understand what I am talking about when I tell her she can't get out of bed. She might understand it, but she doesn't know why when CLEARLY she CAN.
After we put her in bed we didn't hear from her for 5-10 minutes. Then we could hear her trying to open the door. She can't open the door so I figured we were set. THEN we saw her cute little fingers sticking out from under the door. Both of our hearts just melted, she wanted out!
We went in there with a plan to put her back in, tell her she needed to go to sleep and that she was not to get out of bed again. This led to her bawling hysterically and saying "no, no mama huh. no no mama huh?" and holding onto us for dear life. She was SO scared. I'm telling you, I've never seen her so sad and heartbroken in her life. We had changed her crib, one of the only consistent things in her life, and she did not understand why.
We tried once more, but after more fingers under the door, crying and "no no mama huh's" we gave in and put the front back on the crib. Yes it was that simple. No I don't think she was sticking her tongue out saying "na na na na na, I got my way". I honestly believe she was just scared and didn't know what was going on.
Monday I stressed about it all day. I made a pro's and con's list, I prayed about it because it was taking over my life at this point! I really just needed to make the right decision. I honestly hadn't even considered keeping her in a crib until this happened, (and realized how many people have 2 cribs after I asked for advice) and I just kept going back to getting another crib so Vi could stay put for a bit longer.
After talking to some good friends who had been through a similar situation, or are going to go through one soon, I decided that it just wasn't worth the risk. Why mess with a good thing?
I decided that if I could find a killer deal on Craigslist (ok, another "bad mother" check. I know you aren't supposed to buy used cribs) or a free one, we would just let Vi stay in her crib until she was really ready for the move.
Not even 10 minutes after I posted my "ad" on HRBB (Highlands Ranch Bargain Blast; the most amazing thing ever! Like a craigslist and "Angie's list" for member's of the church in HR) I got a call from a lady in my ward who offered me her crib. FOR FREE! That to me was a sign from the heavens, it was going to work out, we weren't going to have to pay for another crib (we will be getting a new mattress however) and Violet was indeed going to get to stay in her comfy cozy crib.
Sorry if this is long and boring, but I wanted to get it out there before I post pictures of the nursery and you see a different crib, or before you ask about the transition. I honestly feel good about it. I do not feel guilty that I didn't stick to my guns. I know that Violet hasn't thought about it, and won't think about it as "getting her way", and now I have peace of mind knowing that when this baby comes, and even over the next month when I need a break or a nap myself, she WILL take a 3 1/2 hour nap. End of story. (It also has to be said that she is napping right now and has been asleep for 3 hrs and 55 minutes)
So say what you will, but I don't think it makes me a bad mom because I didn't force my baby doll to sleep in a bed that scared her half to death. I don't think it makes me a bad mom for letting her have her binky a little while longer, or for not potty training her either. I think we all have enough to deal with these days about feeling inadequate or like a bad mom. I think we just have to do what is best for ourselves and our family.
6 comments:
thanks for the post. today has honestly been one of the HARDEST days of motherhood for me (in all the 2 years). she will NOT stay in her crib no matter what i do. she will not stay in her toddler bed (which is separate) no matter what. this sudden change has totally disrupted our perfect little scheduled life and i'm stuck with not knowing what to do. the good thing about violet is that she'll stay in her crib... claire will not. i have heard good things about a tent crib but i just don't know. i keep going back and forth. ANYWAY. agreed, every kid is different, every mom is different and you just have to do what is best for you both. none of it will matter in even a couple of years.
Amen to that. I agree with you 100% and totally think you made the right choice. It isn't worth the stress heartache or sacrifice of a killer good nap routine. The bottom line is you are the mom (and a great one at that) and you get to decide what is best for your family. She'll transition when she's ready. I think your awesome. Love ya!
every family is different, every kid is different and every milestone is different. You just have to do what works for you. It sounds like 2 cribs is what works for you at this time and that's not a bad thing. Glad everything came together for you, and like you said, there are a million reasons to feel like a bad mom, but none of your things should be on the list.
oh heavens...I totally would have done the same thing! And the second cash learns to climb out of his crib we will be getting a crib tent. I need my time. I just do. Some moms don't and I'm not one of them...especially with a new baby coming! I think you are a fantastic mom and that violet is lucky to have you. :) and yay for free cribs!
Oh goodness. You definitely did the right thing for your family. No one in their right mind will judge you. Every mother-child has some parenting issue their struggling with. We just don't always hear about it. Otherwise, raising kids would be easy peasy, and we all know that's not true. And don't even stress about potty training. My son's three and half and has yet to show interest in it. :( I think we're going to force him into it soon (preschool makes it kind of mandatory). Anyway, I'm glad you got a free crib!
Oh Sammy do not apologize! I got some good advice when I first had Boston and it is something to live by, whether in Motherhood or your marriage: CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES! And some advice of my own, DO NOT APOLOGIZE!
You are her mom, you love her and care for her daily and at the end of the day NO ONE knows better than you and your gut what is best for your little girl.
The transition from crib to a big bed is difficult in some way for just about everyone, I'm sure you made the right decision.
XOXO
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